The Reporter's Cop
by schizo and proud
Summary: Just a series of drabbles on... gasp Is it possible? Can it be? SatoshiTakeshi! Oh my!
1. Set 1

Schizo: My god, what is wrong with me? I have to say I've NEVER seen a Satoshi/Takeshi fic/drabble ANYWHERE! So... I CALL DIBS! Unless someone else did, then.. damn it.

I do not own D N Angel. I mean... LOOK AT WHAT I WOULD DO!

**linebreakerintroducingtheoddworldofwherethemostunlikelycoupleisbeingpairedinsaneyoubetiam**

I.

_**Takeshi**_

"Saehara, can you just _try _and listen? I have better things to do than to waste my time trying to put something into your thick head."

"I need glasses." I reached over to him, "Can I borrow yours?"

He took a back as I gently slipped his glasses off his face and placed them on me. I blinked a few times adjusting to the lenses, "That's better."

"Saehara,"

"Yes?"

"Give my glasses back."

"Why? You look good without and I look good with them." I smiled.

"Point taken."

II.

_**Satoshi**_

Saehara tapped his pen lightly on the desk biting his bottom lip, "This crossword puzzle is hard…"

"Reporters were not meant to be intelligent." I nudged my glasses upward as I continued in my novel for the hour. He said, "A volcanic rock; 13 letters. Um…"

He ran a hand through his head, "Oi… I know this one…!"

"Agglomeration."

"Huh? Yeah!" He wrote eagerly on the newspaper, his _only _reason for doing this in the first place, "Okay. Hard to deal with; 16 letters. There's… such a word?"

I sighed at his lack of vocabulary, "…Cantankerousness."

"Hm," He silently spelled out the word while pretending to write it on the newspaper with his finger. He nodded, "Fits."

"Of course it fits."

"Sexual climax; 6 letters." He smiled, "I know this one."

He glanced up at me and bared the seducing fang of his, "Orgasm."

III.

_**Satoshi**_

His arrogance was bound to bring his fall. How he always boasted that nothing could fear him. A reporter goes through great lengths, he said. A reporter has no limits in courage, he said.

"Oh…" Takeshi shuddered frightened at the eight-legged creature crawling over to him. Suddenly, he grabbed my arm, "Spider. In front of me. Oh shit."

"_A reporter has no limits in courage._" I mocked. He glared only to once again gasp as the spider vanished in the grass, "Ack! Where is it? Where is it?"  
"Saehara, is that a spider in your hair?"

"You sadistic bastard, you think this is funny! Get it off! Get it OFF!"

My lips quirked upwards as I watched Saehara frantically ruffle his hands through his hair cursing violently. Served him right for being an arrogant liar…

IV.

_**Takeshi**_

_Flash_

"Saehara… Why did you take a picture of me?"

"You're interesting."

He grunted, "Go find Niwa to take pictures of."

"Niwa doesn't come close to you." I took another picture, "Your beauty is a story of its own."

V.

_**Satoshi**_

He bounced over to me. English class; five minutes 'til the tardy bell would ring, five minutes of the torture Saehara would put me through.

"One fishu, two fishu, red-do fishu, brew fishu!" Chortled Saehara happily as he raised his hands in the air and slapped them on my desk. His smile increased as he averted his eyes, "Hiwatari-kun! Guess what! I can read in English!"

"That's great, Saehara." I said putting down my volume of _David Copperfield _non-translated. Giving him a quick sarcastic smile, I turned back to my novel.

"One fishu, two fishi, red-do fishu, brew fishu!" He was about to trip over my backpack lazily lying on the floor.

"Saehara, you're going to hur-"

_Thud_

"Saehara! Get off the floor!"

He looked up, "But, Sensei, I have a very good view from here."

"Excuse me?"

I blushed.

VI.

_**Daisuke**_

"Niwa! Can you take my clean-up duty today? Pleeeeease?"

"What do you have to do _now, _Saehara?" I turned to him, "The Phantom Thief isn't stealing anything tonight."

"Oh, that's not the reason why I need you to cover for me." With a smirk, he explained, "I have a date."

"With who?"

"Hiwatari."

"_Hiwatari?_"

It was then when Hiwatari walked by and glared at Saehara, "You were lucky."

"He he he…" Saehara leaned over to me, "Poker is now my favorite game."

VII.

_**Dark**_

Sprinting down the halls of the museum, I took a glimpse behind me to see if he was still after my tail. He was.

"DARK!"

"Sorry Commander! Got to go!"

A boy (the one who always hung out with Daisuke) slid in front of me with his camera in his hands. He came from the hallway on my left. Stopping in mid-tracks, I sighed relieved I hadn't dropped the painting.

_Saehara…?_

_/That's his name?./_

"Got you now!"

_Flash_

"Hmph!"

Tackled to the floor by none other than Commander himself, I groaned while lifting my head. Saehara gasped, "Hiwatari…? What are _you _doing here?"

"Saehara, leave now."

Saehara took upon himself in helping Creepy Bastard off me and asked, "Did you come to help me find Dark? Awesome!"

"No. I-"

"You didn't have to, but that's GREAT!"

Standing up with the painting, I slowly began walking away smiling at the blue-one trying to slip out of Saehara's clutch. Pushing the window door open (the one behind me), I said, "Don't you two look sweet?"

Commander sharply turned to me, "Don't you dare?"

"You'd make a cute couple." And with that I took off.

"_REALLY?_" Saehara was overjoyed.

VIII.

_**Satoshi**_

Niwa took his pencil out of his backpack making sure everything he needed was out and ready. I jotted it down in the notebook before me. Niwa then sighed as he bent over to older Harada, "Harada-san, may I borrow some paper?"

"Yes, Niwa, but you have to get some of your own." She gave him a sheet.

Niwa was forgetful. Take note of that…

"Thank you Harada."

"Extra! Extra! Read all about it! New story on Dark's latest thieving!"

Taking my attention off of Niwa, I turned towards Saehara. He screamed obnoxiously and waving copies of papers in the palms of his hands in the air. Girls, of course, rushed over to him and paid their fee of a hundred yen for the paper and squealed excitedly. Their sole purpose was to see the pictures.

Saehara waved over to me, "Hello Hiwatari-kun!"

"EEEEEEK! This is a close up!"

"Yeah, thanks to Hiwatari." Saehara winked at me. I sighed. I hated it when he winked.

"Hiwatari?" Niwa spoke, "Are you… blushing?"

IX.

_**Takeshi**_

"Hiwatari, can I have a pencil?"

He hesitated, but soon took a mechanical pencil out of his pocket. No matter how much girls adored him for his looks, he was such a geek to have a pocket protector.

"Here."

I shook my head in disagreement, "That's not the pencil I want."

"What do you-?"

He looked down at where my head was going. Grabbing my wrist, he glared.

"Saehara…"

"Worth a shot, no?"

"Take the mechanical pencil."

X.

_**Satoshi**_

Niwa widened his eyes at our position.

"Oh… um… I guess I should be leaving, shouldn't I?" He darted for the door.

"No! Niwa," Saehara jerked his elbow to the right causing me to loose my balance, thus making us both fall to the ground.

"Oi… Hiwatari-kun… Your head is digging in my spine…"

Lifting my head, I growled, "Well you got us into this."

"Do you guys want help…?" Niwa stayed after all.

"Nah…" Saehara smiled, "I like Hiwatari on top of me."

"Saehara!" Niwa blushed.

"That's it," I pulled at the string, "You're never playing with a yoyo ever again."

**linebreakerlooklookitsrainingweeeeeohdearlordthunderroarsviolentlyandiscreambolognasuchaweirdword**

Schizo: Heh, that was fun to write. I actually plan to write a DECENT fic on this pairing though... where it will make sense rather than the insanity I wrote here...

Please review!

Cheers -Steph


	2. Set 2

**Schizo: **Okay. So, I made a new set of drabbles for this thing only because of the fact that...

I read the 12th and 13th books of DNAngel.

I any of you are gasping in surprise, there is a link to the beloved novels on my profile at the VERY BOTTOM, so go ahead and read in delight.

AND SPOILER ALERT, as there is a spoiler in this drabble so do excuse me, BUT... Takeshi, like, has a mom...who isn't dead.

I KNOW, RIGHT?

Now read the drabbles, things that I put together in a hurry just to post this vital information. XD I'm just so generous. Haha...

**linebreakernotevencaringwhatimtypingherebecauseiwantthewordspreadouttopeopleaboutthebooksandcrapimsoslowinthis**

XI.

_**Satoshi**_

"Well, it's official," Takeshi said, crossing his arms over his bare chest. "You, Mister Hiwatari, are the palest boy on the face of the planet."

"I don't recall asking for your opinion."

Uncomfortable with the whole "beach" scene, I pulled at the forest green swimming trunks I had found in the bowels of my closet. What purpose was there in a beach party? With the water and sand, what "fun" could be found in such an exponentially dull environment?

"Yeah, well, with skin like yours, you're going to need to put on some sunscreen." Takeshi puckered his lips, putting on a peppy, demeaning voice, "We wouldn't want our precious Hiwatari to get a sunburn, would we? No, we _would_n't. No, we _would_n't."

"You don't expect to put sunscreen on me, do you?"

With a fresh bottle of sunscreen-15 taken out of the pocket of his orange swimming trunks, he averted his brows while silkily cooing, "I'm gonna rub you _all_ over…"

Just wonderful.

XII.

_**Takeshi**_

"Okay," I gasped, excitedly, while slapping my hands on the park bench we were sitting on. "So, if you had to have sex with one guy—like, some man is holding a gun to your head and tells you that the only way to survive to have sex with some guy, but you can get the opportunity to choose whoever you want, who would it be?"

"Why exactly would a man want to murder me and yet give me the opportunity to escape?" Satoshi arched a brow.

I shrugged.

"He wants to videotape you having sex with another guy, I guess, except he knows that the chances of getting this opportunity are very slim, so he realizes that he has no choice but to threaten you with murder."

"And if I refuse? Then he would murder me and he would still have no sex tape," Satoshi answered.

"That's not true. He could still have a sex tape. It's just… now you're dead." I nodded, matter-of-factly. "Necrophilia does exist."

"How does this man know me?"

"Stalks you."

"How did he find me—know of my existence?"  
"He saw you at the library—I don't know! He just _does_ and he apparently thinks you're hot and wants to have a sex tape involving you and another guy getting it on. Now, who would you _have sex with?_ You're life is on the _line _here!"

With narrowing eyes, he said, "This is an unrealistic case."

"Listen, some perverted homicidal, probably necrophiliac, _guy _just simply wants a sex tape. It's not that far off. There's some pretty twisted people out there."

"Given the circumstances, I suppose I wouldn't really care who. Whoever is the closest man near me will do."

"That's… me," I blurted, absentmindedly neglecting the implied "at the time" to Satoshi's answer.

"Then I suppose I shall have sex with you," Satoshi confirmed.

There was a brief moment of silence.

"…So who's on top?"

Sternly, he answers, "Me, of course."

"Hey! No fair! I'm not even _involved_ in this stupid scenario and _I'm_ the bottom?"

"Just deal with it," he said. "My life depends on you."

XIII.

_**Daisuke**_

"Hey, Saehara," I call out, grabbing Takeshi's attention and having him wait for me by the school exit. As he waits, he waves to me.

"Hi, Niwa."

We walk together for a moment, but are interrupted when Satoshi gently pulls at Takeshi's shoulder and whispers in his ear. Nodding approvingly, Takeshi whispers, "Okay."

"Goodbye, Saehara, Niwa." He nods politely and continues on in a different direction.

"What was that?" I ask.

"He's coming over to my house tonight to talk with my father. He doesn't want me to be surprised, so he just told me. I guess I'll be cooking a little more food for him then."

Surprised, I say, "I never knew you two had a kind of relationship."

"He works with my father, that's all."

"Do you two talk?"

He takes a pause before answering, "Sometimes."

"What do you two talk about?"  
"Stupid stuff," he chuckles out.

"So why don't you two talk in school?"

Simply, he said, "We have a better time together when no one else is around."

Slightly suspicious.

XIV.

_**Krad**_

_/And who is this character?/_

_This is Takeshi Saehara, but don't mind him._

Takeshi, a charming brunette with a seducing fang, held a finely sharpened butcher knife up to Satoshi's neck, dangerously hissing, "Listen, you little bastard. I am under _extreme_ pressure right now. I have to cook dinner for twelve chief detectives including _you,_ set the table, clean the house before they come, dress nicely, do my homework, write my article _which is due tomorrow, _and be presentable to everyone. So, if you wanna criticize, just think about who's cooking your damn food."

_/I rather like little Take-kun…/_

_You don't have the right to call him –kun. You just met him._

"Then…" Satoshi gently tilted the knife away from his neck with his index finger and proposed, "Would you like some help in the kitchen?"

Sighing relieved, Takeshi nodded, "Yes. That would be very nice."

"What would you like me to do?"

In an instant, Takeshi presented Satoshi with a bowl of potatoes submersed in water and ordered, "Cut these into cubes."

_/Why, Satoshi-sama… Do you normally assist Takeshi is the kitchen?/_

_Whenever I can, yes, at times._

_/That is suspiciously kind of you./_

_I'm being polite._

_/Despite the fact that he just placed a knife up to your throat?/_

_He wouldn't actually murder me._

"Thanks, Satoshi." Surprised at the mention of his name, Satoshi became even more flustered when a small kiss was placed on his left cheek. Takeshi chopped some celery sticks on the counter just behind Satoshi, and calmly said, "You're the only one who actually helps in the kitchen."

"You're welcome," Satoshi whispered and continued to cut his assigned potatoes, not even considering wiping his cheek.

_/I see I'm not the only one who enjoys the boy's company./_

XV.

_**Risa**_

They don't fool me.

"Well, hel_lo_, Mister Hiwatari."

They think they fool everyone else, but they don't fool _me._

"Saehara," Satoshi looks up from his book, "Is there something you need?"

"Just saying hello," Takeshi sits next to Satoshi, casually placing his chin on Satoshi's shoulder and peering down at the novel. "What'cha reading?"

"A book on menacing reporter-to-bes who have pointy chins to harmful to be placed on human shoulders," Satoshi casually teases, softly nudging Takeshi's chin off his shoulder.

Refusing this movement, Takeshi turned closer to Satoshi, just murmuring near his ear and utters, "Do you really mind?"  
"Yes."

But he doesn't, really.

"Alright then." Takeshi sat up straight.

They both know that if people found out about them, things would turn for the worse.

"I'll leave then," Takeshi said.

"You don't have to."

So, they play this little game with each other.

"I need something to rest on, though."

Constantly teasing each other, wanting more.

"Fine," Satoshi sighed. "You can lean on my shoulder."

It's a bit painful to watch.

XVI.

_**Satoshi**_

Chief and I were discussing our next scheme to capture Dark, when…

"YES!" Takeshi yelled into the phone, "When are you coming back? Next week? Awesome! Oh, yes, thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you too. Bye."

With an eager slam of the phone onto its holder and an evil grin scissoring its way on his face, he eerily cooed to his father, "Oh _Daaaad…_"

"Yes, Takeshi?"

"Mom's coming back next week."

In a matter of seconds, Chief's face paled enough to match the rice he was eating.

"And she knows _all_ about you using me as your house slave."

It dawned on me.

"Your mother," I didn't know how to put this really, "…exists?"

"Oh," Takeshi nodded. "Yeah. She just goes on many business trips. Want to meet her?"

"Why would I want to meet your mother?"

"Believe me," Chief muttered, "You don't. Run whenever it arises."

"Well," Takeshi glared at his father, but turned his attention towards me. "I don't know. You're here so much nowadays, you might as well. You'll like her."

Meeting the second parent. Hmm.

"When?"

XVII.

_**Takeshi**_

"Don't move."

Frozen in place—because I honestly thought something was about to kill me—I followed Satoshi's orders, not changing any part of expression or body position. For a few minutes, I sat there, peacefully (not really, but I tell you, I kept the face) staring into the distance, where other students sat eating their lunch.

"There." I heard the tap of a pencil, "You may move now."

"Wha…?" Looking down, I noticed a sketch of my face on Satoshi's notepad. "You drew me?"

"I liked how your face looked."

I blushed.

XIX.

_**Daisuke**_

I opened the door to Takeshi's bedroom, stepping inside.

"WHA—?!"

What was before me was something I don't think I ever expected.

Takeshi, in nothing but his boxers (with a pile of clothes next to him), intently looked at his hand of cards, biting down on his lip as he pondered what his next move was. Satoshi, on the other hand, had managed to keep his underwear and shirt, thankfully.

Takeshi dealt a card from the deck in between them, which was next to a small pile of money, a tape, a set of keys, and a random pack of Oreo cookies.

"Ha!" Takeshi darted his vision as Hiwatari, "Oh, you are _so_ gonna lose."

"Just show me what you have."

"Three eights, punk."

As Takeshi proudly presented his cards on the floor, Satoshi sighed.

"Well, then…"

"Yeah, Hiwatari… Take it off."

"…I suppose you lose."

And as Satoshi presented a royal flush to Takeshi, all that was uttered I return was, "Damn you…"

My eyes widened.

"TAKESHI! Don't strip _completely!_"

"It's all that I have left. I'm done." Takeshi, who was now standing, dropped his boxers to the floor, just daring Satoshi and I not to stare.

"Why are…did…" I stuttered, "Why are you playing strip poker anyways?"

Satoshi, very calmly, explained, "I needed a tape of his."

"What did the tape have to cause… _this?_"

Takeshi smirked at Satoshi, "Enjoy the tape of our… _wonderful_ night."

Oh my…

XX.

_**Detective Saehara**_

I always knew that they spoke to each other out back on the balcony whenever the agency held a police party. If they weren't on the balcony, they were by the food buffet, having drinks. However, they weren't there at the moment. Naturally, as it was time to leave the party, I went out to the balcony to pick up Takeshi.

They weren't talking.

"Satoshi…" Takeshi nipped Satoshi's bottom lip, tenderly kissing him.

Apparently they did other things.

"Takeshi," I called out, giving them time to wipe their mouths shyly before I arrived to their sight. "It's time to go."

"Okay."

Oddly, this wasn't too surprising.

**linebreakerwritingwritingwritinggodstopbeingsoslowintypingthisthinkofwordsanywordsohmygodtheresaweirdballonmyfloor**

**Schizo: **WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE? Read the new books, you fools!

But since you're here already...

Review please.

Cheers -Steph


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